|
Post by tymm on Jan 27, 2006 5:00:57 GMT -5
Share in Christ's Love...at Our Lord's Lutheran Church Maryville, IL 62062
|
|
|
Post by diane on Feb 8, 2006 16:35:25 GMT -5
"-TS" told me that the reason he has grown apathetic about the forum is because this, his favorite thread, has died down, just so you know.
so, in light of that information...
How to Become an Insane Psycho-Christian Parent in Just Seven Easy Steps
Being from the Deep South and having been in the presence of children who had insane psycho-Christian parents, I have often been asked "How exactly does one go about becoming a psycho-Christian parent?"
Well, it's actually much easier than you would suspect, and can be accomplished in just seven easy steps...
The first part is the hardest part: getting a kid. Of course, you could get married to someone who will accept your self-inflicted sexual repression, actually perform that naughty act of sex, and then have a child...but that's a lot of work. If you can, steal one from a woman in the park who leaves her stroller unattended for a few minutes. Trust me, she won't miss the little bastard.
During the initial phase of the child's upbringing, you can't really work in explicit comments since the child isn't even really aware of its environment. So, for now, you'll have to rely on subliminal material. For example, instead of the regular trinkets hung over the child's crib like crescent moons and smiling faces, you should hang crucifixes with a blood-soaked Jesus and various pictures of God's wrath. That should burn a few images which will haunt the child for the rest of his or her life.
As the child becomes older, you will need to teach him or her the appropriate use of the English language. For example, the child should refrain from using the Lord's name in vain. In order to have the child become completely paralyzed at the thought of even using the word, severe punishments for blasphemy should include such acts as whipping the child with a set of Rosemary beads, or washing the child's mouth out with the lubricant used by your local priest when he sodomizes altar boys.
When the child is old enough to attend church, you should use more enhanced methods for brainwashing the child. Coordinate an attempt with the other parents to dress two actors, one as Christ and one as Satan, and have those actors perform for the children. Direct "Christ" to give out candy at the performance and direct "Satan" to take all of their candy away, with "Satan" crowning the scene by branding one of the children with a hot pitchfork. This performance should really throw some fear into the little suckers.
As the child becomes an adolescent, you should establish the basis of the relationship between the two of you by becoming completely evasive in regard to the child's problems. Remember, it's important to walk away from the conversation upon hearing the child's problems and run straight for the Church, praying there until the child finally falls asleep at home after crying alone for several hours.
When the child is old enough to attend college and has a thicker skin, you should begin using more colorful nicknames for the child, in order to provide the child with some sense of identity. Nicknames should follow examples like "ball and chain", "accident", "weight on my shoulders", "ungrateful bastard child", and "worthless, pagan fuck".
Once the child leaves home, you won't have many chances to continue squashing the child's self-esteem. However, in death, you can leave a small ball-buster by including a note in the will that reads "Go ahead, take the sofa. And thanks for ruining my life, Spawn of Satan. I'll work with Christ to make sure that you get a nice room in Hades." Follow these simple seven steps, and you'll live forever in the nightmares of your children!
|
|
|
Post by Jarad on Feb 8, 2006 17:02:12 GMT -5
That was so beautiful. (Tear running down my cheek)
|
|
|
Post by tori88 on Feb 8, 2006 18:01:12 GMT -5
i concure diane, that was a masterful beautiful and instructional piece.
I laughed out loud on the part about running away from your kids problems. My mom always says that any problems I have, I can give them to Jesus. Wow. Life isn't as hard as I thought. I can give my problems to Jesus (maybe I'll use fedex) and he will fix them. Rock! Thanks mom.
I thought TS hated this thread, I thought he was pissed it was popular. Fickle crowd we got here. I am about to ask for a prize to substitute for my moment of glory on internet radio, but what can they really do, but put out another show. Good idea. I like it.
I've got Moxy.
Here I was looking for a new hobby (they opened up a Roller Derby woman's league in St. Louis, I'm thinking of getting my own chapter round here started, any takers), when all the while, all I had to do to have fun here again was talk about Jesus and my disdain for the whole damned thing that is organized religion.
|
|
|
Post by tymm on Feb 9, 2006 3:11:55 GMT -5
i'm like so totally a buddhist
|
|
|
Post by Dennis 2 Society on Feb 9, 2006 9:36:09 GMT -5
I thought TS hated this thread, I thought he was pissed it was popular. Fickle crowd we got here. I am about to ask for a prize to substitute for my moment of glory on internet radio, but what can they really do, but put out another show. Good idea. I like it. I think you need to look at the last few posts..... I bumped this thread hoping to bring back the god squad. Whatever happened to tslave? and what about Allilynn? they talked all that shit about what huge fans they are, then only posted one time to talk about how much ass they kick. same with these Jesus lovers...came here for a while to expound on spirituality,then left. without posting one nudie pic or geigh album cover. fuckers.....
|
|
|
Post by diane on Feb 9, 2006 9:54:41 GMT -5
I thought TS hated this thread, I thought he was pissed it was popular. Fickle crowd we got here. yes, he is a very complex guy. you should hear the things he says when no one else is around. sensitivity abounds. i actually saw him cry once. who'd of thunk, right? but its true.
|
|
|
Post by diane on Feb 9, 2006 9:55:31 GMT -5
i'm like so totally a buddhist nope
|
|
|
Post by Dennis 2 Society on Feb 9, 2006 10:01:42 GMT -5
I thought TS hated this thread, I thought he was pissed it was popular. Fickle crowd we got here. yes, he is a very complex guy. you should hear the things he says when no one else is around. sensitivity abounds. i actually saw him cry once. who'd of thunk, right? but its true. I don't remember that. Was it one of the hundreds of times you've punched or slapped me?
|
|
|
Post by diane on Feb 9, 2006 10:03:43 GMT -5
yes, he is a very complex guy. you should hear the things he says when no one else is around. sensitivity abounds. i actually saw him cry once. who'd of thunk, right? but its true. I don't remember that. Was it one of the hundreds of times you've punched or slapped me? don't worry, i remember it. and no, it was not one of the hundred times i've punched or slapped you (you goddamn girl, quit whining) but, you are clearly back to posting, and now i've also spotted an invisible user, so it is clearly time for me to get the fuck out of dodge...see you on the radio...
|
|
|
Post by Dennis 2 Society on Feb 9, 2006 10:13:35 GMT -5
I don't remember that. Was it one of the hundreds of times you've punched or slapped me? don't worry, i remember it. and no, it was not one of the hundred times i've punched or slapped you (you goddamn girl, quit whining) but, you are clearly back to posting, and now i've also spotted an invisible user, so it is clearly time for me to get the fuck out of dodge...see you on the radio... although I cry often,I still don't remember crying in front of you. I save it for the really special people. not that you're not special......
|
|
|
Post by tori88 on Feb 9, 2006 12:42:20 GMT -5
you can bring back the god squad if it's possible, but, quite frankly, I think i may have scared them off. We should advertise this site with an invitation to come one come all and be a missionary to your fellow man, just so I can tear 'em a new one. we need some fresh meat.
|
|
|
Post by lollygag31 on Feb 9, 2006 16:24:02 GMT -5
Tori whats that supposed to mean?
|
|
|
Post by diane on Feb 9, 2006 16:34:28 GMT -5
Tori whats that supposed to mean? i'm sure she meant each word with every fiber of her being, so i'd watch out. seriously.
|
|
|
Post by lollygag31 on Feb 9, 2006 16:49:19 GMT -5
Watch out for what? A fight? Are you kidding me?
|
|
|
Post by Dennis 2 Society on Feb 9, 2006 17:25:35 GMT -5
I think we have a mole
or an imposter
beware
and
be careful.
|
|
|
Post by diane on Feb 9, 2006 19:42:20 GMT -5
don't worry, i remember it. and no, it was not one of the hundred times i've punched or slapped you (you goddamn girl, quit whining) but, you are clearly back to posting, and now i've also spotted an invisible user, so it is clearly time for me to get the fuck out of dodge...see you on the radio... although I cry often,I still don't remember crying in front of you. I save it for the really special people. not that you're not special...... i've been thinking since our last heart to heart, and i really think it would do you good to cry more. and i want to help. so, now, in addition to "punching" and "slapping" you (i don't think i've ever thrown a real punch in my life, by the way) i am going to make a concious effort to also "kick you in the balls" so let's hang out soon
|
|
|
Post by diane on Feb 9, 2006 19:44:06 GMT -5
Ok, is it really necessary to start this crap again? C'mon. Really. c'mon, c'mon did the vonbondies do that? wasn't it right around when jack smashed his queer face in?
|
|
|
Post by tori88 on Feb 9, 2006 21:14:54 GMT -5
had i just logged on here and read the post from lolligag i would have probably been pissed since this is me talking to my friends and none of us (save leslie) know you and you gotta ask what i mean as if it any of your business, but leslie made sure i knew you were only curious as to what i meant by fresh meat. so i am not mad even though i almost got in a fight without even being here. i have a tendency to misread things, so if you really just wanted to know what i meant by fresh meat, i meant that it would be funny to have people think they were on a christian site where they could speak freely about god when we all know that a type fight would surely insue. i was responding to ts because i just want him to be happy, and if happy to him is constant religious fighting, than let it be so, but the people with whom i have already discussed it with on this forum has already said what they had to say and some "fresh meat" would really be exciting.
as you are well aware, i said nothing about fighting you on this bout of the holy war, but if that is something you want, you know where to find me. beautiful downtown staunton. but really, i don't want to fight anymore, i don't need to. i have nothing to prove to you or anyone else especially regarding my religious ideals.
and now that i've seen your pictures, i definatly wouldn't want to mess up something so pretty. maybe i could fuck you and punch you at the same time, that sounds like fun. kidding only, i don't like snatch only boobs.
speaking of boobs, i love you stacey!
|
|
|
Post by tori88 on Feb 9, 2006 21:17:08 GMT -5
i'm confused now, is lolligag tslave or are we just lumping them together? i thought i was looking at pics of the girl that inquired into my meaning of fresh meat... this is too confusing. i think i may be an alias.
|
|