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Post by diane on Nov 30, 2005 10:34:52 GMT -5
i found this essay in one of the, ah, publications that i read, and i thought that some of you (tim) might find it interesting....
CRUCIFIXIONS AREN’T SO BAD It’s interesting how Christians like to talk about how terrible the crucifixion of Jesus was. If it wasn’t for his crucifixion, Christianity would never have gotten so popular; it would be reduced to “weird” status like with the Mormons or Mennonites. Jesus’ crucifixion was a godsend for the Christian faith.
1. He was killed during his prime. If Jesus were to live a long life until the age of 80 or so, his message would have become stale and diluted. By dying at the height of his fame, his ideas are held to a higher regard (kinda like the final season of Seinfeld). Your ideas are worth nothing unless someone wants to kill you for them.
2. His death created the most recognizable image in the world. Without the image of him hanging from the cross, how do you expect the church to push the propaganda? Plus I can only imagine how many millions in cross sales the church profits from every year. It’s the oldest souvenir in the world.
Every Christmas you should celebrate JC’s death, for without it your religion would be seen a little differently, probably in books with titles like “Stories of the Crazy White Man”, read alongside Greek and Roman myths to youngsters before bedtime. Instead, it’s a homophobic way of life for over a billion people, while at the same time serving as the world’s number one incubator for pedophiles. Hooray!
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Post by tori88 on Nov 30, 2005 12:46:22 GMT -5
Diane, is it possible that Zion Lutheran did this to us? I am agnostic and am relieved to see someone talking about religion in a less emotional tone. I don't see why the lack of seperation of church and state is not throwing everyone into an uproar. All the emails I get telling me to sign a petition so that all kids have to say the pledge of alegiance in school make me sick. Where does that leave the little Jew or Buddhist? My mom found Jesus (I love that term, found Jesus) with the Southern Baptist Church of New Baden and it really ticks her off that I feel this way but I can't help it. The other day, she and I and my grandma all went to a spa and (since I love to stir shit up) I asked them what they would think if I became Jewish. They were in an uproar. Spouting things like "The Jews Killed Jesus" and "They don't even believe he was Christ" So I said back, "Wasn't Jesus a Jew? One of the chosen ones. Also, if he hadn't been killed by the Jews, your sins wouldn't have been warshed away, right?". It was classic. But it's right along those same lines. These are the women who would drop to their aching knees and thank the lord if I found christianity, but any other religion just won't do. I just don't understand why we all allow such a separation between religious beliefs. I preach about it, but even I do it. I can't stand christians (except when they don't advertise) and so there I am doing the same thing. Religion makes me so mad.
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Post by tori88 on Nov 30, 2005 12:55:18 GMT -5
I just read my thing and I sound like a crazy person. Few things get me going like Jesus, Republicans, and whether or not I am a whore. Just a few of my favorite topics.
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Post by diane on Nov 30, 2005 13:09:02 GMT -5
yeah, the guy that writes that stuff spouts off on lots of hot buttom topics, and i am usually laughing out loud. i have been reading his stuff for probably a year or so now. from what i gather, he is pretty much of a jack ass, but fairly intelligent and witty as hell, so i was hooked almost immediately. oooh, and sometimes he makes illustrations with his essays, so funny. you know, i think one comes to mind that you might also find interesting, seeing as how you also mentioned "whore-dom" as one of the things that gets you going...let me see if i can dig it up...
(fyi, i am home sick today...oh, and you didn't sound crazy)
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Post by diane on Nov 30, 2005 13:26:37 GMT -5
if found it tori...now, i know you are smart enough to know that i am posting this for reading purposes only, and not as a statement on anyone in particular, one way or the other, but i thought i should add that disclaimer for others who may miss the boat here...i don't agree with everything he says, and sure some of it could be seen as offensive, and some of it is dead wrong, but i don't think its about agreement, it is just interesting in a sort of hilarious way. this one also has one of his illustrations, so i hope it shows up....oh, and happy reading... WHORES VS CONSERVATIVE GIRLS I met a girl in January. We hit it off and I took her out to one of my favorite places for the first date. I treated this girl like a lady because I’m older now and I need to get past my whore-banging phase. On that first date we started to get to know each other and she seemed like an interesting person. I really wanted to bang her but I held back since I’m not supposed to be a horny bastard anymore. The second date went okay but things started showing up that made me lose interest. Still, I was a gentlemen and didn’t go for sex. The third date was a disaster; I realized I wasn’t into her and didn’t have much to say. I thought to myself a lot on that date: “How much money did these dates cost me? I really should have went for it on that first date. I wonder what new flavor taquitos 7-11 will come up with next. Maybe I should go back to dating whores.” It’s two months later and I’m still lost and confused, like an elephant who just escaped from the zoo. I’m wandering through society wondering who I should set my eyes on and randomly pounce on. While I like conservative girls because they are smart and don’t have sex with every guy that gives them attention, I can’t help but look back and reminisce with the whores I’ve been with. One reason why I like whores is because they are excellent in bed. It’s kinda hard not to be with all that experience sleeping with different men. Some of you conservative girls reading this are saying, “That’s bullshit, I had a boyfriend for two years and all we did was have sex and he loved it.” Sorry but your sample size of one or two guy’s doesn’t make you an expert. Whores instinctively know what a guy likes, and ensure he will get his that very first time they bang. Another reason why whores are excellent is because they care more about your pleasure than theirs. A great example of this is the lower back tattoo. Why do you think she would get a tattoo that she will never see? It’s so you have something to look out while you’re doing her doggy style. She wants you to be visually entertained during sex; how thoughtful is that?! Whores will also go down on you without having to gently push down on her head. It really ruins the romantic moment for me when I have to think of a plan to get a girl to do something that I know will give her no sexual pleasure. Finally, you don’t need to buy her a promise ring to get some action; she will put out no later than the second date. Seriously, what’s the point of waiting for sex anymore… this is 2005. Even college basketball players at shitty schools have groupies now. Conservative girls make you purchase the orange without making sure the juice is worth the squeeze. Even with all these very good reasons to bang whores, I know it won’t be smart to go back. Experience from my friends – and, uh, not me – have shown that you WILL get something if you sleep around a lot. It’s not that condoms don’t work, it’s just that you both forget about them during the heat of the moment. And plus there are those girls - hot, clean looking girls - who don’t want you to use a condom. How many men can say no to that? The bottom line is that whores pleasure your small brain while conservative girls pleasure your big brain. I don’t believe that all the hip hop stars who rap about wanting a “freak in the sheets and a lady on the streets” are so accurate in their assessment. That is what I want, but hopefully like the elephant I don’t get put down before I find it.
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Post by Dennis 2 Society on Nov 30, 2005 18:51:53 GMT -5
"I have accepted Jesus in my life. Not as a savior,but as someone I intend to borrow money from"
G.C.
another chestnut from the old guesrbook
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Post by tori88 on Nov 30, 2005 19:09:43 GMT -5
I have two tattoos on my lower back, guess the nameless wonder on the old guestbook may have been right. Oh well, I definitely wouldn't consider myself to be conservative, so it must be the latter. I won't lose sleep about it. But, Diane, that was thoroughly amusing.
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Post by diane on Nov 30, 2005 20:36:47 GMT -5
tori, like i said, i think he is dead wrong about a couple of things. i have a back tattoo, too, left over from back in the day, so don't feel badly. there is another point or two that i think are glaringly wrong with this essay, but, you know, to list them specifically would make me look like, well, a whore, i am sure. and, besides do we all really fall into one category or the other? are there no shades of gray? but that's just it, it isn't meant to be taken seriously, at most tounge in cheek. and definately not analyzed, i am sure. again, i think the guy is pretty sharp, and pretty freaking funny. i am glad that you enjoyed it...
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Post by meatwad on Dec 1, 2005 23:59:48 GMT -5
The author's main error is not acknowledging the shades of gray. Sure, I've dated conservative girls and whores. I've also dated sluts, bitches, cunts, skanks, ditzes, fatties, skinnies, flirts, witches, and so forth. Sometimes the ladies in question were combinations of a few titles. A couple of nice ones here and there.
As far as Jesus goes...duh!
Why doesn't he tell us, "If George Washington would have died at birth, he never would have been the first President."
Nor is Christendom the cause of pedophillia. It's a mental defficiency and is found in all cultures. If anything, Holy Mother Church stopped the commonality of man-boy relationships and other such unnatural abominations.
Also...
I smoke and drink. Fuck sluts and whores. Use swear words. Drive over the speed limit. Think impure thoughts. All sorts of bad shit. I try my best though to let my poor mother and grandmother think of me like I was when I was their baby. They are getting old and their brains are pretty much formed. I try not upset them with my radical agnostisism, communist tendencies, anti-death penalty, pro-choice views. No, I would rather them live with inner peace. They have each devoted so much of their lives to me, and it is perhaps the most I can give them. It's not like I could make them "see the light" anyway.
Tattoos:
The only thing I can say is: Think about what your wedding dress will look like. What will your kids/grandkids think?
I guess what I'm really trying to say is...get a tattoo right by your puss if you're going to get a tattoo. It won't show through you're wedding dress. Grow your pubes back to hide it from the kids.
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Post by diane on Dec 2, 2005 10:04:36 GMT -5
why, rahul, let me congratulate you on your many conquests. you certainly do get around, what with the plethora of categories you listed the girls you "date" fall into. i am certainly impressed, as i am sure everyone else is...
again, i want to state that i feel the essays are tongue in cheek at best, and not meant to be over analyzed, or analyzed at all, for that matter. however, it is interesting to read various people's takes on them. i have to admit that i am a little confused, though, with the term Holy Mother Church...is she married to the pope? is this the mystery lady in the davinci code? i don't recognize this name. myself, i have been baptized, confirmed, saved, the whole nine, and i have no idea who this lady is. great, all that catechism class, and i am apparently going to go straight to hell anyway...
as far as your mother and grandmother go...duh! who doesn't shelter their parents, and especially their grandparents, from the seemingly controversial views and details that make up their personal lives/selves? congratulations, you are just like everybody else...that isn't exactly a maverick technique...
wedding dress? kids? grandkids? as contemporary and modern as your frame of mind seems to be (radical agnosticism, communist tendencies, anti-death penalty, pro-choice views) are you really assuming here that each and every one of us is going to get married, wear a wedding dress, pop out kids, and then count down the days to grandkids? really? i mean, i do intend to spend the majority of my adult life barefoot and pregnant, stirring a pot on kitchen stove, having been formally married in some low slung, backless, halter-type number that shows a lower back tattoo, but i'm not sure that is what every other girl here has in mind. besides, i'll be doing lots of other way trashier things, like being drunk at pta meetings, that will make my nine kids think way worse of me than any old, stretched out, faded, distorted tattoo will. i promise.
i am interested in your proposal of pubic hair tattoo camoflauge...i think it will definitely catch on and be a mainstream craze. however, that last section of your post does make one wonder when the last time was that you wore a wedding dress, or a formal dress of any kind, for that matter, that you think a tattoo would show through. i guess if you are getting married, i don't know, in a porn flick, you might be wearing a sheer and translucent wedding gown, but, unless that is your plan, i think your tattoos will be safely hidden (if you feel the need to hide them) under your wedding dress...
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Post by rickysgirl on Dec 2, 2005 11:48:57 GMT -5
And why the heck would your kids be looking at your pubes...
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Post by tori88 on Dec 3, 2005 10:50:44 GMT -5
Raul, if that is in fact your real name, as far as the protection of your parents and grandparents from your opinions goes, do they really know you at all? I am very close with my grandmother and wouldn't want her to believe something about me that is not true. She's not going to break just because she is old. That's age discrimination. I want her to know me, really know me, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking out her opinion on the matter of my lack of faith.
Tattoos: I, like Leslie, have two very meaningful tattoos. I got one the week before my grandfather died and was able to show it to him before he was so medicated he didn't even know me anymore. He was a fiddle player, so I got a fiddle with his favorite song in notes coming off of it, and the other is a butterfly perched on the Chinese symbol for strength to signify people's misconception that I am a hard-ass strong person when really I am as fragile as anyone else. I did the conservative thing (or so I thought) and got them on my lower back where no one would see them unless I wanted them to (unless I wear a half-shirt wedding dress, I think I'll be fine). As for your comment that you should get one by your puss... I know 1 person ONE that has one by their puss and she is one of the nastiest, sluttiest, insults to the institution of woman-hood I have ever known (if you have one down there, don't fret, I don't think she gets on this site so I'm probably not referring to you). I just love it when guys try to understand how women work. It's hilarious. Your comments, Raul, sounded like someone who does not only not practice what they preach, but also someone who has absolutely no respect for women or the power they own. I have a feeling, you'd get way more nice girls and way less sluts and bitches if you started to try to understand them, rather than just running around fucking and critiquing them.
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Post by kat on Dec 9, 2005 13:58:21 GMT -5
okay....i am a conservative girl. i don't mind being conservative. I want respect when i'm with someone. whores....how much respect do they get? The name itself says it all. Almost all men have been with a whore or two or three but us conservative girls don't want to have to worry about which diseases we will get. We also don't want the mental image of our man and a nasty ass toothless bar whore either. but we deal with it.
i really don't know where i was going with all this babble but i speak from experience (or lack there of) and it's not all that bad being conservative. sure i'd like to experience other guys but when your really in love...none of that matters (even if it's your first) because there is a feeling that's there that whores probably never have until they eventually become conservative.
sorry if i offended anyone but that is my personal opinion...mine and only mine..
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Post by Dennis 2 Society on Dec 9, 2005 14:20:23 GMT -5
gay.
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Post by throb on Dec 9, 2005 14:53:30 GMT -5
Raul is a genius
and did Kat just say she wants to experience other guyS?
Look out sound guy
Just kidding, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.
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Post by kat on Dec 9, 2005 15:46:38 GMT -5
no he has nothing to worry about
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Post by tymm on Dec 9, 2005 15:52:35 GMT -5
conservative girls who turn into whores are great. whores who turn into conservative girls aren't bad either. it just sucks for the first guy who dates the newly minted conservative girl. he'd be all like, 'hey why did everyone get to fuck this whore, now she just wants to out to dinner and cuddle?'
i guess it's hard to be a woman.
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Post by kat on Dec 9, 2005 16:13:13 GMT -5
well tymm....a whore who turns conservative is a girl who probably wants to settle down and be a grown up. She doesn't want to fuck every guy she meets, she wants one guy. She's not going to be looking for a guy who would think "'hey why did everyone get to fuck this whore, now she just wants to out to dinner and cuddle?' she'll be looking for a guy who wants a conservative girl not a whore.."
and yes it is very difficult being a woman. there's too much stereotyping....either you are a conservative prude or a whore...one or the other.
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Post by kat on Dec 9, 2005 16:15:27 GMT -5
by the way....how did blathering about jesus become about whores? lol
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Post by Dennis 2 Society on Dec 9, 2005 16:17:11 GMT -5
you were just talking about experiencing other guys
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